Don't Be Afraid To Fall
by Faithless Shadow
Summary: Yuna's daughter Nirvana and Seymour Guado. When the two meet, their lives change forever.
1. Prologue: Yuna in the Farplane

_**This is my first fic in a while, and after the titanic failure of the last I have decided to retry.  
Reviews and criticism welcome.**_

**Prologue - Yuna in the Farplane**

_Think about Jyscal's sphere. Just think about the sphere, and you'll see him… _High Summoner Yuna stood alone and shivering in the Farplane, the orange sky whirling past as the meadow seemed to drift around, attempting to call up the soul of Lord Jyscal, father to Seymour Guado. Sure enough, a horde of clear blue pyreflies gathered and materialised into a translucent figure of a man. Yuna nodded and cleared her mind once more. Jyscal vanished, and the pyreflies floated easily back on the clear, crisp air of the Farplane.

"_It's good to see you again, Lady Yuna, but you don't seem pleased…"_

"_I'll only be pleased when you're gone to the Farplane!"_

Yuna stared expectantly at the space before her, expecting Seymour Guado, former Maester of Yevon and the man who had tried to marry her, to appear just as his father had, but nothing came. Only one lone pyrefly drifted lazily across her vision; nothing more.

So she could no longer be pleased. The lack of image could mean only one thing, the thing Yuna had prayed and prayed would never happen - her sending had failed. The half-Guado she knew as Seymour Guado was still unsent somewhere in Spira.


	2. 1: Nirvana's Decision

**_Here is chapter one._**

**Chapter One - Nirvana's Decision**

I was born and raised on Besaid Island by a servant of my parents, Fauna, and Lulu. They cared for me ever since I was a baby. My parents were Lady Yuna and Sir Tidus. In some ways, Yuna was the mother every child dreamed of. Her beauty was radiant and she had the perfect husband, with a massive group of friends and everything a woman could wish for. However, our home life was only perfect from the outside.

"Yuna, no way! I am _not _going looking for Seymour!" My father Tidus was not going to be worn down easily this time, not even by Mum, who has a will of tempered steel according to the Ronso she met on her pilgrimage.

"Well, I'm not either! Have you forgotten that he tried to marry me?"

"He tried to give us 'freedom from this painful life'!" mimicked Dad, obviously impersonating this Seymour person. "I don't particularly want freedom - I don't want to lose you again, Yuna!"

I wished they would stop arguing. Mum and Dad never argued - well, hardly ever. OK, they argued all the time, and they always had done, and I hated it. I had never seen much of my parents, and ever since I was tiny I'd had the image of the beautiful, noble, saintly High Summoner and her dashing, handsome consort. That little whim shattered into pieces when I first encountered my parents. They had been arguing over (get this) _what they should wear to a party_. From that day on my life was never the fairytale I'd dreamed it would be.

"Mum, Dad, stop it!" I cried, running forward to them. The shouting stopped abruptly. "I'll go and find this Seymour if it makes you happy." The reaction was immediate and explosive.

"Nirvana, _no_! Seymour is evil, he could kill you-"

"You don't understand, darling - Seymour is dead, and he needs to go back to the Farplane. You can't send people-"

I stopped them with a raise of my pale hand. "I insist on this," I informed them, putting on my best 'puppy eyes' expression. (I've never understood the phrase 'puppy eyes'. What's so cute about a puppy's eyes anyway?)

"Why?" Dad asked me, fixing me with his cobalt-blue eyes. "Why do you insist on it, Nirvana?"

I shrugged. "It's the right thing to do." Mum laughed. "What's so funny?"

"That's exactly what your father said on my pilgrimage," she smiled. "And it always ended in trouble. But if you really are set on it, yes, you can go and find Seymour. But be warned - you won't like him."

"I don't mind." I shrugged again.

Two hours later I was stood in the anteroom of Baaj Temple, soaking wet from the water I'd swum through, shivering furiously and wondering what in Yevon's name I'd got myself into. Dad's old longsword rested comfortably at my side, and my commsphere was in my pocket. Mum had given me strict instructions to call every single night 'or else!' Or else what? I found myself wondering. She'll never let me out of her sight again? It's certainly like her, to wrap me in bubble-wrap and keep me locked away in a fur-lined box. Well, it is on a good day. On a bad day she'll just throw me out of the window onto a bed of glass and not even stay to watch me bleed.

The door slowly creaked open, making me jump. Giggles of fear spiralled in my throat. I could see a man standing in the centre of the anteroom, dressed in blue, red and green and with angular, blue, spiky hair. It could only be Seymour Guado. Words cannot express how terrified I was by him. He turned, slowly, to face me, and time seemed to stand still. He fixed his eyes on me, staring me down, and indeed I felt as if I was shrinking. "Lady Yuna?" he asked, looking surprised.

"No," I stammered, scared out of my mind. "Her daughter."

He visibly relaxed. "What is your name?"

"Nirvana."

"Come in." He seemed to see the expression on my face. "I mean you no harm, Miss Nirvana." Though his words were, unsurprisingly, no comfort whatsoever, I stepped over the threshold and into a statue-filled room. The doors closed behind me with a menacing _creak…SLAM_, making me jump. "What do you want from me? Why is your mother not here?"

"She didn't want to come," I whispered. "Neither did my father. I came so they'd stop arguing about it."

He stepped closer to me, and I tensed. My hand grazed the hilt of my sword. "I admit I was expecting Lady Yuna to be here, not her daughter. But you are welcome here anyway."

I nodded. "I don't plan to stay long. I just need to know why you're not on the Farplane."

The former Maester nodded. "I expected as much. To cut a long story short, the Farplane did not want me defiling it with my presence."

Wow. Seymour must be _really _evil for the Farplane to outcast him.

"So I came back here. Nobody has known of my existence for eighteen years… until now. Miss Nirvana, you are the first person to have found me."

I couldn't help but hear the faint note of pleading in his voice. It was calling out to me to stay, to help him. If I had found him I must be somebody who could help him, mustn't I? But I ignored it brutally, thinking of Lulu and the way Mum's barbed comments glanced off her like beads off armour.

"Right. Thank you. I'll be going now." I turned to leave - then stopped.

I thought about my life at home. I thought about the relentless arguing that pushed me to the brink of despair. I thought about Mum and her pushing for control. I thought about Dad and _his _pushing for control. I thought about the fighting that ensued. I thought about Fauna and her failure to understand me. I thought about Lulu and her arguments with my mother. I thought of the guilt that came from it, as if I were the one causing the cat fights. And I thought about the bullies, waiting for me back in Besaid High School. Waiting to beat me, to destroy me again. Somehow, these thoughts made me turn around, back to Seymour, and announce, "No. I'm staying."

He looked slightly surprised. "I'm sorry?"

"I'm staying," I repeated. "I can't face going home… back to everything. And besides, you don't _seem _like someone who _will kill me at the first opportunity_." I mimicked Mum.

Seymour stepped lightly towards me, but for some reason I wasn't afraid. "Tell me, how is Yuna these days?"

I rolled my eyes. "Terrible. She's let her own popularity go to her head. Her obsession is no longer helping others, it's helping herself. And my father's no better. They argue over something utterly trivial every second, and left me to the care of my nurse Fauna and Lulu until I was eight."

He stared at me, awed. "She's changed. Definitely changed."

"Nothing's like it was before," I said, not really knowing where the words came from. "Everything's changed… and I can't keep up."

He suddenly looked at me as if he was seeing me properly for the first time. "You're soaking wet. Come, sit by the fire." Relieved that, at last, he had noticed my predicament, I stepped towards the crackling, spitting fire in the centre of the room. When I had sat, Seymour left the room, leaving me to my thoughts.

Strangely, I was not afraid of Baaj Temple or of Seymour. Mum had overreacted, as per usual, but what was unusual was that Dad had agreed with her. That was new; the only thing my parents could ever agree on was the fact that they couldn't agree. Even that had fallen into dispute once. Not for the first time, I wondered sadly why it had to be that way.

I sighed. Once again, my thoughts were taking me back to something I had hoped my non-existent fear would temporarily exorcise from my mind.

All of a sudden, I felt a chillingly warm weight on my shoulders. I looked up, alarmed, but Seymour had only dropped a blanket over me. I breathed again. "Thank you," I sighed, the manners that Fauna had tirelessly drummed into my head bubbling up to the surface of my mind.

"You seemed half-asleep," he responded, settling down beside me and staring at me enquiringly.

"I was remembering," I said truthfully. He smiled understandingly.

"I remember too," he nodded. "I remember Guadosalam… my home. I heard a woman has inherited my mansion now."

I couldn't help but smile. "Leblanc. She's a friend of my mother's. Leader of a team of sphere hunters or something."

Seymour shook his head sadly. "Unbelievable. The mansion of a former Maester goes to any old sphere hunter. I simply cannot understand it."

"Things are confusing," I replied simply.

After a short pause, I said, "I'm sorry. I'd better get to bed."

Seymour nodded. "I sleep in the Chamber of the Fayth. You can sleep out here. Goodnight, Nirvana, and sleep well." And with those parting words, he tossed me three blankets and left. I rolled up one blanket, that would serve as a pillow, and set it down on the floor. Then I laid out another and lay on it, finally pulling the other over me like a duvet. Worn out by my unnecessary fear, I closed my eyes and fell asleep instantly.

**_Reviews appreciated. (Please.)_**


	3. 2: Seymour's Discovery

**_I'm sorry about the long delay in posting this chapter. I had another idea for a Final Fantasy fanfic, and it has taken up a lot of my time. I'm going to finish this first, though, or at least get near the end. It will be a miracle ifI manage it._**

Disclaimer: I don't own Baaj Temple, Seymour, Yuna, Tidus or any Final Fantasy characters that may appear in this fanfiction. The only character I claim ownership to is Nirvana.

Chapter Two - Seymour's Discovery

After Nirvana went to bed last night, I stayed awake for a long time. I sat by the fire, thinking about her. She had talked about her mother, and I admit I had been surprised. The Lady Yuna I had known would never have argued with anyone, or been intoxicated by the people's love for her. And these changes had led to daily battles with her husband, which led her to battles with her other friends about the battles with her husband - I shook my head, my thoughts trailing off into the night. It was too confusing for me to entirely comprehend.

I woke up the next day and dressed swiftly. Then I went out to see Nirvana, and found her knelt in the centre of the room making her makeshift bed. She looked up abruptly when she saw me, and pulled down the sleeves of her loose-fitting top. "What is wrong?" I asked her, slightly alarmed, moving towards her. She hid her hands behind her back. "Nirvana?"

"Nothing's wrong!" she snapped, too fast for me to entirely believe her.

She was lying. Something was very wrong indeed.

"You don't have to lie to me," I said gently, sitting down beside her and taking her left arm, pulling it into the light and rolling up her sleeve. What I saw sent me numb, then sent a wave of sick horror crashing over me.

Angry red lines, lines that could have been drawn with a ruler, stood out like ink on paper against Nirvana's pale wrist. They were scars, and I was in no doubt whatsoever that Nirvana had inflicted these wounds herself. "Nirvana," I whispered, staring at her. "Why?"

Nirvana began to cry. "Everything," she wept, trying to hide her face with her free hand. I pulled it away from her face, so she had nowhere to hide.

"Tell me," I pressed, gently but firmly. When she didn't speak, I continued. "You need help, Nirvana. If you really are injuring yourself, then you need someone to help you stop."

That seemed to get through. "It's Mum," she cried. "Ever since I was little, she's been too busy arguing with Dad to even look at me. Every single night, I'd take myself up to bed alone at half past seven, and if I didn't then she wouldn't notice me to take me there herself. And then there were the bullies at school, and Fauna misinterpreting my sadness and using it against Lulu, who used Fauna's hostility against Mum. Eventually it just… got too much. I began to give myself physical pain - to drown the mental, emotional pain."

I let go of her arms, shocked. I could barely imagine sweet, gentle Yuna ignoring her only daughter for the sake of arguing with her husband.

"Seymour, don't tell anyone! Please, promise me-"

I bit off her torrent of pleading before it could begin. "Who could I tell?"

She nodded. "I'm sorry. I'm stupid, I'm useless, I'm good for nothing and I'm selfish. I hate myself."

"Is that what your parents said?" I asked her carefully. She stared.

"How did you know?" she asked sheepishly.

I took her face in my hands and raised it so she was staring into my eyes. "Don't let anyone tell you that, Nirvana. You are an extremely beautiful, intelligent, brave young woman, and though you have many flaws you are far from selfish."

A fleeting smile grazed Nirvana's lips. "Thank you." There was an awkward pause; none of us really knew what to say next. "Do you really think I'm beautiful?" she asked me after an eternity.

"Yes, I do," I replied, entirely honestly. She _was _beautiful - there was no point denying it. Her hair was brown, like her mother's, and piled messily on top of her head, and her eyes were blue just as her father's had been. But her physical beauty was nothing compared to her mental, emotional beauty. It seemed that what made others weak made her strong. In her misery now she was more beautiful than any woman I had met, even Lady Yuna. Her sadness gave her strength. "As I said, do not let anyone tell you otherwise. Now, tell me about these bullies."

She was nervous; I could tell. But she nodded. "Rei Lake. Karin Opal. They hated me, they thought I was a spoilt little brat just because I was the child of Lady Yuna. Every day, when I arrived at school, they'd find me. They'd stalk me out and beat me until I was black and blue. And then they'd leave me. One day, when it was snowing, I was beaten up in the playground and couldn't get up afterwards. I stayed out in the cold almost all day, until my teacher realised I was missing and came to find me, and was off school for a week."

What was there to say to that?

"I'm sorry, Seymour," she said suddenly. "I shouldn't pour out all my troubles on to you, seeing as I only met you yesterday, but…"

I knew what was coming before she finished. _You're the only one I can tell._

"It's OK. I understand," I replied, the words seeming empty in the face of all she had told me. But it was true; I really did understand.

**_Reviews appreciated, constructive criticism welcome._**


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